The Lull Between Storms

Things have been relatively calm and peaceful since Danielle's last explosion that caused me to spend the night at my mother's house.

Although the lull is certainly nice, I no longer feel the sense of relief I used to feel when things calmed down after one of Danielle's tantrums. I used to think that the sudden change for better behavior meant that perhaps positive change was just around the corner. Her good periods made it seem as if we were making progress, and that it wouldn't be much longer before the really terrible explosions stopped.

Now, I realize that these lulls are meaningless. Things will go smoothly for a day, a week, perhaps even a month, but Danielle will eventually return to escalating levels of rudeness, disrespect, nastiness, non-compliance and misbehavior until she finally explodes and the cycle starts again.

It used to be that I looked forward to the lulls. Now, I live through them waiting for the other shoe to drop.

When Danielle is in one of her good periods, she does so well. She's helpful, gentle, caring and often does small acts that indicate a level of selflessness and charity that you don't often see in children. Today, she decided to take some of her surplus stuffed animals back to the juvenile court so they could be given to other foster children. The judge was pleased to see her, and made sure to give her and FosterEema each a big hug.

But the kid that was in the judge's courtroom this morning isn't the kid that will be around in another day, week or month. Eventually, this sweet kid will be replaced by one who hits, makes threats, and kicks furniture.