Happy Third Blogoversary

Surprise, surprise.

Today is the third anniversary (Blogoversary?) of our blog. It's hard to believe that in three years I've had anything at all to write about. I figured that I'd start blogging, eventually lose interest, and then peter out. I never dreamed that by this point I'd have more than 1,600 posts!

But I'm still here, I'm still queer, and I'm still blogging. Hard to believe.

In my first anniversary post, I gave some advice to prospective foster parents. In my second, I did the same, though my advice was much simpler. I suggested if that if you were considering becoming a foster parent, you shouldn't do it at all.

I've re-read both of my anniversary posts, and though I think my advice in my first post is still sound, I think I'd lean more strongly towards the advice in my second.

If you become a foster parent, you are opening yourself up to:

• Having your heart broken if your child is reunified with his or her birth parents.
• Legal and criminal liability.
• Being accused of and being investigated for, abusing and or neglecting the children in your care.
• Having to deal with birth family members who may have serious mental illness or criminal pasts.

The real truth is, if you choose to become a foster parent, at some time you will face some sort of abuse allegation. This is not an if, it's a when. Of course you can do some things to help protect yourself, but it doesn't always help. If you are lucky, you'll escape with a slap on the wrist and your foster children being moved ot another home. If you aren't, you could find yourself facing criminal charges at worst, or being permanently listed in your state's child abuse database.

Teachers and other professionals who work with children, be especially wary.

If you are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered, be especially afraid if you don't live in a particularly gay-friendly area. If you aren't working with an agency that specifically works with the GLBT community, be aware that at a minimum, you will have to fight for your rights. You'll probably face discrimination and allegations because not all social workers or their supervisors agree with your lifestyle.

The "good" news, of course, is that it is possible to win if you decide to fight. Unfortunately, it's difficult and expensive.

My wife and I persevered, and we are now just a few days away from finalizing on our 13-year-old daughter's adoption. Although we are happy to be done, and we are happy to have our daughter, I have to say that if I had known it would be this difficult from the very start, I never would have gone down this path.

Had I known then what I know now, I never would have become a foster parent.

The one thing that does give me joy in all of this is knowing that in a few short weeks we will relinquish our foster care license.