Happy? Second Blogoversary

This post actually should fall under the category of "better late than never." On April 2, we failed to notice (and thus celebrate) the second anniversary of this blog.

When I started blogging two years ago, I didn't think I would have much to say on the subject of foster care. I guess I was wrong, because we've managed to come up a total of 1,208 posts on the subject.

On the first anniversary of our blog, I wrote some advice to prospective foster parents. In that post, I recommended:

• Examine your motivations
• Ask lots of questions
• Don't be afraid to say no
• Get phone numbers
• Be a strong advocate
• Your child's problems are not yours
• Don't be afraid to ask for a removal
• Take care of yourself
  

Today, if someone asked me for advice about becoming a foster parent, I would offer a much different list. These days, I have only one piece of advice for prospective foster parents:

Don't do it.

I realize that is pretty negative, but given what our family has been through in the months since we received the removal notice, I can't honestly recommend this to anyone, not even my worst enemy*.

Although I do realize that there are kids still out there, waiting and in need, I've come to the realization that the system is so broken that foster parents can do very little to make a difference. Although many folks would argue that doing foster care may help certain individuals, just like in the starfish story, I've come to the realization that the system itself does everything it can to get in the way of positive outcomes.

I really wish that I could offer advice to prospective foster and adoptive parents that would encourage them, and give them the sense that what they do is rewarding and of value. Although it is of value, I'm not sure the trade-off is worth it. To be treated like a criminal, to be abused by both children and social workers, to incur such enormous financial and emotional tolls isn't worth it.

Although we love "Danielle," and we are fighting for her because it's the right thing to do, had we known what was in store for us, we never would have gone down this road in the first place. I would have happily remained a DINK couple, and I can't imagine anyone wanting a child so badly that they would subject themselves to this process.

Of course there are always people willing to go to desperate lengths, so I guess I would say one other thing. If you fail to heed this year's advice, don't do it, then heed last year's advice with one addition:

Make sure you have a good attorney who specializes in foster care and adoption law in your back pocket before you start.

---
* For my worst enemy, I would gladly send over a painful, but not life-threatening condition, however.