Blogging for LGBT Families Day: We Aren't That Different

This post is in honor of Blogging for LGBT Families Day, a day selected to raise awareness about LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender) families.

Last year I blogged on the topic of family vs. Family, where I discussed the differences (and importance of) making families from people who know, love and support you, rather than feeling obligated to maintain relationships with biological family members who might not be so supportive.

Issues with my biological family members have been a struggle since FosterEema and I got together. I have problems with my parents and my sister, and it hasn't gotten much easier over the years. I think fundamentally the problem isn't abut the fact that I'm queer: instead, the problem exists because my family members struggle with accepting me for who I am. If I wasn't queer, they'd probably find some other reason to be unhappy.

Acceptance hasn't always been my family's strong suit. Before I came out, they criticized me for all sorts of choices I made, including my friends, my interests and the things I valued. The older I get, the more I realize that families who are strong and supportive before a child comes out will remain that way. Families who aren't supportive before a child comes out will continue to be that way as well.

What has surprised me a great deal is that, despite their fundamental opposition to my lifestyle, how much we all agree on how children should be raised. When my sister finally reconsidered her decision to forbid me from seeing her children for six years because she didn't want them exposed to our lifestyle, we sat down and had a long talk. What we both realized was that we share a lot of the same opinions about childrearing.

Despite the fact that my sister has become a Christian fundamentalist, she and I want the same things for our children. We want our children to grow up to be honest, responsible and self-reliant. We want our kids to have values and morals and to grow up to become decent human beings. Although the mythology we use is substantially different, we are trying to teach same lessons.

Although I think my relationship with my parents and sister will always be difficult, I think their views of FosterEema and I are beginning to change. They still don't approve of our lifestyle, but they've also come to realize that we aren't all that different from any other family. We are two adults trying to raise a child up to be the best person she can grow to be. We encourage, nag, and pray for her success. We lose sleep at night, we make mistakes, and we struggle endlessly to do the right thing.

Our story isn't special. It's the same story that all parents face. Our story might be a little bit unique because our daughter came to us by way of the foster care system and not birth, but the goals we have for our daughter are no different than any heterosexual married couple wants for their children.

We aren't that different.