Foster Care Reflux
Last Thursday morning, we got a voice mail. It was from a detective from the [Our Town] Police Department. She wanted to know if we'd heard from "Ana" since she ran away. She left a case number and instructions to call her back.
I've been trying to return her call since then, but can't seem to get past her voice mail. I guess it can't be too terribly important if she hasn't called me back in five days.
On Friday, we had lunch with a friendly caseworker. She told us that "Belinda" had been calling, crying that she'd made a terrible mistake in blowing out of our home, and tearfully wanted to know if she could arrange it so she could come back.
Yeah right.
The worker seemed to think that it was all an attempt at manipulation. "Belinda" was unhappy living in a locked group facility where it was impossible to run away, and was hoping that by asking in a sweet and tearful way that she might be able to wiggle out of her current reality.
Seems like our former foster children are like reflux. They just keep coming up again and again.
5 comments:
Hey fosterAbba,
I just want you to know..from a fosterkids point of view..the meenest thing you can do is introduce your children as your foster kids...separation right from the start..the foster kids say " I don't fit in here" but you loose the "Foster" and they say "Their good people" Many not call you mum and Dad but it is a give and take. It is very belittling to refear to the children as Fosterkids...their kids and their yours...for now.
Also from the childrens point of view, as well as some adults..when some one is telling everyone that they are a foster mom. That person is looking for the Pat on the back so to speak, look how hard my life is Iam a foster mom...ya well good for you, don't go saying it's harder than being a real mom...cause when you do, you take away the fact that your their real mom, present day mom, and you belittle the biological moms.
Don't go tooting your own horn about being a foster mom..its much harder being a foster kid.
Samhains,
I don't know about fosterAbba, but off my blog I rarely use the word "foster" for myself or my kids. I introduce the boys as my sons or nephews (their choice). I am their aunt or mother. When kids come for respite I say introduce them as friends of the family.
On the blog though I do use "foster" a lot. It is because I am using to blog to anonymously reach out to other moms who have to deal with the struggle.
It is much, much harder to be a kid in the system. We adults chose to be here and we can walk away. Though our lot is much easier, it is still helpful to have others who walk our journey. We help each other do it well, or at least better than we might have otherwise.
Saimhains-
We never use the word foster in our home either. We just say our kids. The kids call us mama and papa if they like or auntie and uncle if that is more appropriate. When close friends who know that we are a foster family ask if a particular child is a "foster child" we always say "No, it is just a child."
I use foster on my blog just for clarity and like Yondalla to offer support.
Ditto for me and the use of the word "foster". Even children we only had for a few days were referred to as our kids - even when it was obvious they were not our biological children.
I agree w/ Yondalla - the blogs have reached so many people, and I see new blogs emerge all the time with folks looking for support. I'm glad I found the ones I did because I could search for "foster parents".
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