The Hamster is Back

This post is our entry in the ProBlogger Group Writing Project - Reviews and Predictions.

Depending on how clever (or psychic) you are, predicting the future can be fairly easy. Some people simply have that innate sense of knowing what's going to happen. While they quietly know what's about to happen next, the rest of the world hasn't a clue. My friend John*, for example, has a mother who knows everything. If something goes wrong, she'll know immediately and will automatically pick up the phone to call. If you've stubbed your toe, wrecked your car, or were reprimanded at work, she'll know what happened before you even open your mouth. Once, she even predicted someone being seriously injured at a baseball game, and her husband, with first aid kit in hand, was the first person there to provide aid to the injured man.

For most of us, though, predicting the future is a lot like trying to fish with your bare hands. Sometimes you reach into the water and come up with a fish, but most of the time, your hands come up empty. Experts try to give us advice on how to make predictions better, while popular psychologist Dr. Phil advises, "the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior."

A week ago, we confiscated our 11-year-old foster daughter's hamster and sent him on a "vacation" with friends. We confiscated him because our daughter was refusing to properly care for him. Although we'd remind her what needed to be done, she went out of her way to lie and claim she'd fed him and cleaned his cage when she had not. Poor Mr. Hamster was starving, and we had to take action. I felt plenty bad about it, but a hamster vacation was a consequence that had to be given.

Despite her habit of neglecting Mr. Hamster, it's clear our daughter Danielle loves the pesky little beast. While he was on vacation, she repeatedly asked to have him back. Shortly after she was placed with us, we had to confiscate him for a night because she wasn't cooperating with her bedtime routine. She ended up crying herself to sleep.

Mr. Hamster's absence has definitely served as a wake-up call to our daughter. It was an upsetting and fairly long-lasting consequence, and it's clear Danielle doesn't want a repeat performance. When Mr. Hamster was returned Sunday night, she beamed. On Monday, she started to clean his cage without prompting, and squealed with delight when she received a double-decker hamster cage as a Chanukah gift. For the past two days, she's been careful to check his food and water without prompting or reminding.

Sadly, I don't think that our daughter Danielle will be able to maintain this level of responsibility for long. Children, especially foster children who haven't been shown sufficient tenderness in their formative years, tend to be very self-centered and selfish. Right now, she wants the hamster, and is very motivated. I predict as soon as he becomes inconvenient, or real work, she'll slip back into her old habits.

I know that before long, I'll be having the following conversation with my child:

Me: Danielle, did you feed and water your hamster and clean his cage?

Danielle: Oh yes, I did!

I will of course later check the cage and find it dirty and devoid of food and water.

Although this is the last time we are going to fight about hamsters (the next time he'll be going away permanently) I suspect we'll revisit the larger issue again and again. Responsibility doesn't always come naturally to children, especially foster kids, and it takes a lot to drive the point home.

I wish that my predictions could be more optimistic. I wish that my daughter would learn something important from this lesson and that she'll become more responsible and less self-centered. But she won't. She's a child and the lessons of personal responsibility and caring for others will have to be repeated again and again until she reaches adulthood.

---
* Names have been changed in this story to protect the guilty, innocent and undetermined.