Blown Placement

We met with our licensing worker this afternoon, and it sounds like we did everything right. We discussed in detail what happened, when it happened, and how things went wrong, and she couldn't find fault with anything we did. When "Belinda" started to become increasingly physical, the only thing we could do was have her removed.

Blown placements are a sad fact of foster care. Whenever it happens, it's hard on everyone. It's hard on the kid, the foster parents, and the social workers who are involved in the case. It digs up a lot of emotions on all sides. Nobody likes for it to happen, but sometimes there are reasons beyond everyone's control. If a child's behavior is too much for the foster parents' ability to manage, then the placement should end before the parents go crazy, or someone gets hurt.

Dan, another blogging foster parent I admire, had to disrupt a placement last month. At the time, I didn't comment on his blog posting, because I didn't have any idea what to say. Now, I think I have a lot more understanding and empathy for what he went through, and I may go back and post a note of encouragement. As things deteriorated with "Belinda," FosterEema and I found our own relationship in trouble. The worse "Belinda" behaved, the more FosterEema and I squabbled. Even if "Belinda" hadn't become violent, we probably would have needed to have her moved at some point. She was just too much for us.

Since latecomers to our blog might be interested in reading the entire "Belinda" saga from start to finish, and it was only 11 days long, I thought I'd post a link to each chaper here:

• Another Kid(?) and House Rules - We got a call regarding placement for a 12-year-old girl.
• A Quickie Update - We met with the 12-year-old and thought it would be a good fit.
• Unpredictable - We learned that our soon-to-be daughter thought of herself as "not smart."
• Our Second Placement - We noticed, less than 24 hours after placement, that "Belinda" had some pretty significant behavioral challenges.
• Family Taxi - "Belinda's" previous foster mother informed us that we were supposed to transport the biological family to visits.
• The Noose is Tightening - Behavior problems at school become worse.
• The Icy Wind - Further control battles with daughter #2 about her MySpace account.
• Mean People Suck - "Belinda's" former foster mother calls biological mother and creates problems.
• Mean People Suck II - We discover that the former foster mother said a few negative things about us before "Belinda" was moved into our home.
• Calling Out the Cavalry - "Belinda" had a blow-up at school, and the county had our backs.
• Today Was Better - We saw slightly better behavior at school, but we were definitely picking our battles at home.
• Unwanted Visitors - We discovered "Belinda" had lice!
• End of the Road - Our placement with "Belinda" ended.
• Oppositional Behavior - Some of the behaviors we observed.
• Keep Your Hands to Yourself! - "Belinda's" increasing tendency to get physical with us.
• Meddling Mothers - Meddling from the previous foster mother and biological mother made our job tougher than it needed to be.
• How We are Doing - In the aftermath of a bad ending, how we are managing.
• More Aftermath - Additional aftermath of "Belinda's" explosion.
• One More Placement Call - Just three days after our second placement goes up in flames, we got a call for a new (and inappropriate) placement.

Update (10/18/2006): I've had to disable comments on this post because I've been receiving a huge amount of comment spam.

Update (3/24/2008): We've had additional posts to add to this story line:

• E-mail from "Belinda" - We receive a not-entirely unexpected e-mail message.
• First Verse, Same as the First - The county tries to place "Belinda" with us, not realizing she was here once before.
  
• Foster Care Reflux - We hear from the Friendly Social Worker that "Belinda" wants to come back.
  
• A Blast From the Past -- How Sad - We learned that "Belinda's" mother voluntarily terminated her parental rights, and they were looking for a permanent home. "Belinda" had requested her worker give us a call.
  
• Thinking About "Belinda" - We agonized over whether or not we could give "Belinda" a permanent place in our family.
• A Passion for Placement - More agonizing about "Belinda."
  
• "Belinda" Comes Back - AWOL from her foster home, "Belinda" stops by our house to pay us a visit.
• Now I Don't Feel so Bad About "Belinda" - We speak to "Belinda's" worker and feel much better about our decision to say no.
  

Update (4/4/2008): Another installment in the story...

• Boomerang "Belinda" - Once again, the county tries to place "Belinda" with us.

And even more updates...

• 5/12/2008 - "Belinda" came by and wrote a note on our dirty car.
• 6/14/2008 - We receive a discouraging update on how she is doing.
• 12/12/2008 - Sad news that convirms our previously discouraging update.