Blogging for LGBT Families Day - family vs. Family

This post is in honor of Blogging for LGBT Families Day, a day selected to raise awareness about LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender) families.

If you have been following our blog, and read our posts on coming out (parts I, II, III, IV, and V), you'll know that FosterEema and I have had more than our share of challenges in finding acceptance not only in the workplace, but from friends and family. One of the ways we've learned to deal with this problem is to realize that there is a profound and important difference between family (spelled with a lowercase "f") and Family (spelled with an uppercase "F").

Your lowercase "f" family consists of the family into which you were born. These people include your biological mother, father, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins . These are the people, for better or for worse, to whom you have a biological or (as in the case of step-families) legal link.

If you are adopted, you also have a second lowercase "f" family. These people consist of your adopted mother, father, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. These are the people who have taken on the job of raising you.

In both cases, your lowercase "f" family are people that you had little or no control over their presence in your life. You didn't necessarily pick them, but they are there. Hopefully, they are good, kind, and gentle people who support and nurture you. Unfortunately, that is not always the case.

Your uppercase "F" Family is the family of your choosing. These are people who truly love and support you. These are the people who will stand by you when the chips are down; their love never waivers. These are the people who you can call when you are broken down at the side of the road at 2:00 AM and they will come and give you a ride home without being angry because you disturbed their sleep. These are the people with whom you give and receive unconditional love. You know they are there for you, always. These people are your "real" Family.

If you are very lucky, the people in your lowercase "f" family and your uppercase "F" Family are the same. If not, then you build your own uppercase "F" Family by choosing people who are deserving of the role.

In my case, my lowercase "f" family consists of my mother, father, sister, two nephews, three nieces and grandfather. My uppercase "F" Family consists of my biological grandfather, his girlfriend, and my partner, plus two sisters, two brothers and one niece, all of whom are not actually related.

Although I will always hope that more members of my lowercase "f" family will someday join my uppercase "F" Family, I consider myself lucky. I have people who truly love and support me, and I share those feelings. I know that if I am physically or emotionally hurting, these people will be by my side. Family isn't about legal or biological connections, it's about love, support and commitment, and I'm very lucky to have one.